Random Acts of Katieness.

My parents have been painting the house all up this week so it will be done before we move in…so nice of them. I go over and help once Chad gets home to sit with the boys.
My friend Amy is in labor as we speak…with a boy…Gavin. I’m going to be her babysitter for him when she goes back to work. I have a job now!!

The boys are up from their nap. I can hear them…”Mama…wake” Now they’re counting...I have till ten to get them. “One…Twwwoo….Freee….Foourr…..” Hold on.

Ok back.

I need to go to Lowe’s on a major shopping run. Hope they have men their to help me get all the stuff in my van. I’ll bat my eyes real cute…that should work.

So far all my color choices and decorating ideas are looking good…real good. I think I might have missed a calling.

I’m trying not to think about Monday till Monday or at least until Sunday night.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of crap one accumulates.

I got a refund on some of the closing cost I paid…since we didn’t get in when they thought...refunded me some interest I paid upfront. I guess it does pay to speak up.

Everything is happening at once at warped speed. I need to focus.

My sister is bummed she can’t come up for the move. She has to work. I’m bummed too.

Dove dark chocolate is AWESOME.

Carter started a new phrase today…My dad told him to get ready to go bye-bye and he look right at him put up his little finger and said, “In a second, ok?” In the cutest little two year old voice ever.

Levi hug me today and out of nowhere said, “Love you”.

They’re my world.

Space to Process.

Sitting in the doctors’ office yesterday I took everything in he had to say. I was fine. Later that day while in Lowe’s my phone rings, the Hospital setting up our appointment with the Infectious Disease Doctor, getting them registered. I was fine. Later on in the evening filing away the referral I will need for the new doctor in a safe place so it doesn’t get lost in the move. Before filing it I sit down to read it through…. Needs Antibodies… Hemoglobin infusions…Please treat. I took a breath in let it out slowly and filed it away for Monday. I was fine.

This morning I got in the shower and the steam was warm around me, and the sound of the water beating on my head, drowning out all other sounds. I was not fine. There in the silence of the beating water I broke down. How am I supposed to make the decision I’m going to be asked to make on Monday?

With out the infusions they have to continue to be sequestered not being in public not being around kids. The hope is they start producing the antibodies they need by age 4 or 5. But do you keep them from being kids for that long. Missing out on outside play, playing with their cousins, going to preschool to kindergarten. Infusions? Infusions will allow them to do all those things with out the threat of illness. However there are risks. Risk of rejection, side effects. The infusions are a three-hour IV treatment that they will have to go through once a month. The cost? We estimate it to cost around 500.00 a month our portion after insurance. Can’t afford that. But I’m trying not to let that be a factor in my decision. It’s sad that it even has to be a factor, when children need certain treatments.

I can’t help but be scared, the infusions sound like the perfect treatment and they probably are, but what happens when the treatment you are treating them with makes them sicker. What if they react? What if they reject? All these things worry me. In light of those risk I tend to want to just keep them sequestered. However deep down I know that’s not fair to them either. Oh what to do… what to do?

I’m horrible at making decisions. Deciding where to eat has been known to cause major stress in me. So how am I supposed to make a decision this big, this life changing, this important?

Good News...Bad News...And A Little Game Of Tag...

Hmmm should I give you the good news or the bad news first??

What’s that? The bad?

Yeah that’s what I was thinking…get it over with, then the rest of the post can be happy and cheery.

So the boys appointment was today at the hospital. Dr. Kishore is recommending the infusions to begin. So we are off to make an appointment with the infectious disease doctor who would perform them to get his take on everything. Not what we wanted to hear, but hey what are ya gonna do? Now's the time for strength… for us and them. We meet with the infectious disease Dr. on Monday at 9 am. If he too recommends the infusions then they will be done at Akron Children’s Hospital. They do them on the same floor as the chemo and transfusions and things.

This is for you boys…mama loves you.

Good news? We got our keys last night to OUR house!! Painting has started, things are moving along quite nicely in preparation for the move. Again…any volunteers?

Now on to the nice little game of tag. I’ve been tagged to list six strange things about me. So here you go.

1. I cannot take the first item on the shelf while grocery shopping; I always have to reach for the second or third one back.

2. I have to have music on while I’m driving…silence while driving drives me nuts!

3. I like ranch dressing, but to smell it while someone else is eating it makes me sick.

4. I hate the phone; some people are phone people I am not.

5. I brush my teeth in the shower.

6. I cannot sleep in a bed that is not made…meaning the sheet and blanket isn’t tucked in and the comforter straight. I will get up to fix it if need be…even if someone is still in it!!

If you read this and want to do it conceder yourself tagged.

That’s all for me folks…..

UGGGG....

The waiting....The stress....The anticipation.....

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was good. How was yours? It was good getting together with family and eating good food.

Yesterday we went over to the house and raked the leaves and cleaned out the gutters. We don’t have the keys yet, suppose to have them Monday, but figured we could get the outside stuff done. The boys had a ball. The met their new little neighbors. It made my heart melt to see them running around their yard, I can say that now…their yard…with the other kids. I couldn’t help but wonder though if they’ll pay for it later. It’s like they get punished every time they get out and play…be kids.

We head up to Akron Children’s on Tuesday to meet up with their doctors. We got the blood work back last week and there’s been no change. So hopefully the doctors will have an answer for us…so the boys can be the kids they deserve to be! I’ll let ya know on Tuesday what we find out.

I’m so excited about the house. We are painting this week and moving on Saturday, Dec. 2nd. Any volunteers?? This won’t mean much to those not in the area, but there has always been an area of town I’ve dreamed of living in called “Ridgewood”…Well now I’m exactly one road away! My backyard meets up with the back yards of the big historical Ridgewood houses!! I guess good things do come to those who wait.

Well I hope you all are enjoying your weekend… Catch ya later.

The Answers Are In....

So you want your questions answered, huh? Well you all certainly gave me a lot to think about!

I was expecting simple easy questions…. However you all made me think [gasp]…and on a holiday!! Well I’ve sat down and reviewed all of your questions and I gave each one pensive thought. Here are your answers dear blogland…

Kimmy asked: If you weren't a stay at home mom what do you think you'd be doing now? I honestly don’t know, BC [before children] I was a teller at a bank I also processed mortgages and was offered a pretty good job at that that I turned down due to the hours it required and my health. After high school I had scholarships to nursing school, however health didn’t permit that. I’ve always had an interest in real estate and mortgages. She also asked: What if one of the boys decided he liked barbies more than GI Joes, would you be ok with it? What if he later said he was hitting for the other team. Would it matter? Honestly no. It wouldn’t matter to me. This is where Chad and I differ A LOT, I’m in the your body your life you know what’s best for you group. Just because I don’t agree with a certain lifestyle, does by no means make it wrong, and I’m not to judge. Her final question was: Do you remember a time in your life when you thought "this is it!" and you took the leap without looking back?? Explain please. Well one would be when I married Chad, everyone thought I was too young or he was too old for me…blah blah blah…. But I just knew, and I was right. The most recent was when I turned 24 and decided I wasn’t taking crap from anyone any longer. I realized this is my life and I’m the only one I have to answer to at the end of the day. It’s been so freeing, my relationships have been better with family and myself.

YSB asked: Do you want more children? I always wanted to have a really big family. I’ve always wanted a big family, that was however until I had twins and realized how expensive it is. Especially if they have medical problems. I think Chad would like to have a daughter, I would too really. But I always joke and say “yeah but our luck we’d have three!!” When I first got preggers with the boys I joked about there being two in there [that was before we found out]…turned out not to be such a joke!!

Roselle asked: what's your dream...what do you fantasize about (not in a kinky way) and say "someday"??? Well it use to be owning a house to call my own. But as that has become a reality as of this morning [we closed this morning] I guess someday is today. This one is hard cause I’m a realest. Dream wise, to publish a book “someday”. And I guess just to have a good since of fulfillment and that I’ve touched others lives for the good.

Lily asked: What is your favorite number and why? 33…. I was once told I have a nice butt for “33”… Guess so cause it is one of my favorite positions.

Mr. Jones asked: Did you ever go ahead and put me on your list of freebies? ;) I’m still waiting for Chad to get back with me on the rules. He said he had to think on it…. But as far as me, yes Mr. Jones…Yes I did. He also asked: Ok - real question. A simple but potentially complex one. Are you happy? I can honestly say that I am happier than I have been in years. I feel in control of my life for once, I feel grounded, I have more friends than I ever had, relationships with family are going well…Things are good… Does that mean I’m 100% satisfied… No I’ll never be that…I’m human.

Mind Spirite asked: What did you want to be when you were a kid? Haha…oddly enough and to the horror of most people when I was little I wanted to be a stay at home mom!! She also asked: What is your favorite vegetable? Ahhh there are so many! I love cucumbers and bell peppers those are probably my top two. I was going to say tomatoes… however I realized those are really fruits.

Glo-Girl asked: what was your reaction when you found out you were preggers with TWINS? I cried… Not out of joy or pure excitement no.. no… Out of sheer terror!! Chad however laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard!! She also asked: who is on your *list*? you know you have one. ::wink:: Hmmm… Christopher Meloni, Blair Underwood, Jerod Leto, most men who can play the guitar, Kate Winslet [threw ya huh?] and of course…Scaramouche Jones. She also asked: you have to change one thing about your life. Through means you already have. What do you change? Man girl can you see the smoke? That’s some question! I would have to say my reaction to things… My temper [the Irish temper runs through my blood!] and my over sensitivity to things. And my cynicism… its with in me to work on these things, it’s all up to me.

Rafael asked: If my aunt had balls, would she be my uncle? Depends if she always had them or not. He also asked: Where's the craziest place you've ever done it? That would be in the driver seat of my Saturn Coup in the driveway of my parents’ house.

Blither asked: Do you really really really like me, Ms Kate? hahhaa I like you. Yes Miss Blither I really really like you!! I wish you were closer!! After all you introduced me to my newest favorite song!! She also asked: Seriously though, one person you can't stand- Who is it? Paris Hilton!

[Lurker] Bob asked: Is it okay if I don't ask a question? That's all I want to know. Of course Bob, thanks for coming out and saying howdy!

Buzz asked: Over a month ago you filled out a survey and one of the questions was "do you have a crush on another blogger" and you said "maybe" or "not telling" or something like that. So my question is, who are you crushing on in blog-land? Hmmm…they know who they are…

DNA princess asked: Why did you start blogging? As a form of release to get my thoughts out there, to be heard. She also asked: Have you ever lived in another state? No no I have not. And she also asked: How long did you know your husband before you got married? Exactly one year. We met on Dec. 16th 2000, and married on Dec. 15th 2001.

Kimmy takes seconds: Just wanted to come congrat you on your closing today. I hope it went smoothly!!
So now that you're a homeowner, what's the first thing you wanna do in your new home??? “Break it in” of course…you have to hit every room in the house at least once!!! Of course we have to get the keys first…It didn’t record today, and because of the holiday it looks like we won’t have the keys till Monday. Bummer…

Anthony asked: What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? This one is hard, cause I don’t think I’ve ever really taken a huge life risk. I can’t really say marring at a young age cause on further thought; I was just following my heart. He also asked: What's the one you wanted to take but didn't and (maybe) now regret not taking? Move out and be on my own, just me… Always wanted to go to New York City. Learn more about me by being on my own.

Go On...Ask Away.....

You know all those things you wanta know but didn't know how to ask about me? Well here's your chance! Ask and I'll answer in the next post. This should also give all you lurkers out there a chance to stand up and say howdy!

I can't take all the credit here, as other's have done this. Mr. Jones did it a while back, and Kimmy just finished doing it.

So speak up....And ask away............

Is the Grass Greener...Or is the Sun Brighter.....

As I walked through the mall yesterday I couldn’t help but compare. There are so many things I wish I were, not things like professions, things like character or appreance. Before you say I have a low self-esteem I’ll stop you, I have a good self esteem for the most part. I think its just human nature to see the grass as greener.

I always look at the tiny little girls and want to be all cute and little, pocket size.

I look at the intellectual girls and think how sexy that is, and wish I were at that level.

I see a girl out for a run and think how freeing that looks; I wish I were more athletic.

Get my drift?

Even when we are feeling the best about ourselves, that thing called doubt creeps in.

“If only I were……….”

If only, If only…

If Only…Then I wouldn’t be me…. Who ever that is.

Hmmmm...

I ask you... How does one accumulate so much shit????

Waaahooo

We got a closing date today!! We are set to close on OUR HOUSE on Wednesday!!!!!

Holy crap its actually here and going to happen....

I'm terrified....

Hold Me??

Ending the Guilt...Ending the Stress...

I am starting to dread Christmas any more. The whole meaning is lost over the stress of presents and having enough money to buy them. Every year I go into debt buying all my family and friends presents because I feel guilty if I don’t get something nice. Well I’ve finally had enough!! Not going to happen this year!!

We decided while I was still pregnant that we wouldn’t have huge Christmas’s for the boys…we didn’t want to start something that we may not be able to continue. Plus we wanted to teach them the true meaning of the holidays. But then we spend so much on everyone else that it defeats that purpose.

Well this year we will have just bought a house. We won’t have cash on hand for everyone’s gift… And quite frankly I think the house we are providing our children the up most importance. I don’t want to go further in debt just for some holiday that has lost its true meaning and gone completely Americanized Materialistic!!

Not to say that is that I don’t want to give…I like to give hence why I go in debt to do so each year. I’d like to make things this year for those on my list. Does anyone have any good gift making ideas?? And while on that thought, Chad’s sister has six children…. any ideas for them? They’re seven and under in age… I was trying to think of an inexpensive combined gift for all.

Anyone??

Arrrgggg...Ugggg...

Chad and I have had the flu the last few days.... Sorry if I haven't made my rounds. It's been yucky...... Starting to feel better.

The Root Of Evil....

I’m tired of all these reality shows that are all about money, or girls fighting over a guy with money. It’s truly the root of all evil. Money creates jealously and nothing is more destructive than that green monster.

See people, rather right or wrong; equate their own worth to the worth of their bank account. And what they can or cannot do compared to what others can. I find it a lot with other moms and what they get their kids, the competition that’s there. I have this one friend that always has to run out and get the newest toy out there, or get what I say I wish I could get the boys…Knowing full well that it’s a “wish”…Cause I can’t afford it…And then flaunt it in my face. However instead of it making me feel bad, I feel bad for them. Its there insecurity not mine.

Money is good when it’s used for good. People shouldn’t base their self worth on the worth of their bank account.

I was standing in line at Walmart the other day and over heard a conversation between two ladies. Basically they had stopped in there I guess for beer apparently for a football party and was talking about how they can’t believe people actually buy their clothes here [with that snobby tone], to which I felt offended not only for me but for the others around me. What ignorance!! So being the smart ass that I am [I don’t deny it I know I am] I said to her… “Yes and some of us even buy our underwear here”…[hand over my mouth making a gasping sound]. Then I held up the two sweaters I was purchasing and said, “I’m sorry these were the last ones…did you want them? I think the orange would look fab on you!!”

Needless to say they went to another check out line. For a brief moment I felt good, especially with all the people who were in agreement with me, I rejoiced in what felt like a victory. However after I got to my car that feeling fled. I started to feel bad about myself; I was letting their comments affect me. I was letting their ignorance get to me. Which angered me.

So tell me…. Is it human nature to base our worth to that of the worth of our bank account, or is it society’s nature??

I'm Baaacckk....

Well this weekend was exhausting. I’m not a good traveler I’ve learned. I’m spoiled I like to sleep in a comfy bed. The highlight was meeting up with Kimmy again, always great time to hang out with her. Aren’t we a great bunch??

Here we are with Chad his whole support team!!

I learned what a “Betty” is…. You all on the west coast probably already know this, but I just learned over the weekend that it’s what you call a good lookin’ girl. So I guess you do learn something new everyday. I also learned that children are much better behaved for their grandparents than their parents. And finally I learned that a Ford Focus Hatchback is a VERY uncomfortable car.

As for Chad, he finally competed at about 4pm…. He tapped out on a choke. He was disappointed but I think he did great. He’ll get ‘em next time!!

So as I promised, I’m off to start packing like a mad woman!! Hoping to close the loan in the next week or so, cross your fingers. I’d like to be able to close a little before the end of the month so I can paint before we move in…we have to be out of here at the end of the month.

Oh a little side note: I won my fight with the boys’ doctor; we’re going up tomorrow to get their blood taken. So like I wanted we’ll have the numbers BEFORE the visit this time…. A novel idea!!

I'm on My Way...

We're leaving shortly to head to Columbus. Wish you all could join me.... I'm excited to meet back up with Kimmy... To watch Chad compete and kick ass...And to generally just have a great time with my sister and Alicia!!

So I'm off...But I'm leaving you with a picture.... Till we meet again.

“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals. They seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.”

-Anne Frank.

Hello There Again...

I have more friends in my life now than I’ve ever had…Coincidence? I think not. Breaking free form an unhealthy friendship has opened so much up to me.

I must say though having said friends is exhausting!! A good exhausting though.

Friday myself, Chad and my good friend Alicia are heading down to Columbus. We’re staying with my sis. Saturday Chad is competing, and in the morning the girls are meeting up with Kimmy. So excited to see her again. I threaten Chad and told him if he competes while all us girls are together we’re coming over there to be his Cheer Squad!! He was all…”Oh good Lord!!”

I wanted to make shirts up for all of us that said ‘Chad “the tree” Kuhn’…however Chad said absolutely not! He’s no fun.

The boys are doing better except the fevers are holding on at night.

I’ve told myself that when I come back from Columbus, I’m throwing myself into packing!! I will be a one-woman packing machine, watch out!!

We’re going for our final walk through tonight at the house. My dad will be inspecting everything one last time; I however will be measuring for the placement of furniture and for my first ever DISHWASHER!!!!!!! The best part about my new house will be the garbage disposal and the dishwasher I’m putting in! [It doesn’t take much for me]

Well peeps that’s all I got for today…other than…A new House Rule, huh? We shall see what we shall see… Just don’t be messin with my child tax credit!!!!

Ramblings...

I’m moving in less than a month. I’m nowhere near packed…. Ok..Ok… I’m not packed at all!! I loathe packing I’m just too lazy and too routine for packing.

The boys are on a ton of meds and still running fevers…going on a week now. I called their doctor up at Akron Children’s and left a message…I will call twice a day till I get an answer if I have too. I want the blood taken now to check there numbers I don’t want to wait till the end of the month. I want the numbers known when we see the Doctor on the 29th. If it means blood infusions than that’s what it means…. It’s time to do something.

I’m hook on this show!! I watch a show on Monday nights now, Anthony you’re proud I know. This Lisa Williams just draws me in!

I can’t help thinking that an Obama/Giuliani presidential race would be incredible!!

I’m going to see KimmyK again in 5 days!! I can’t wait. Chad’s mom is watching the boys… Much needed break ahead.

Tomorrow is my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary!!

Anthony sent me a cd full of Gov’t Mule…. he compiled it with a bunch of live shows. I was so excited; I love getting mail…not bills, but special mail just for me!! Lily sent me a program the other day as well…. You all made my days!

I’m anxious to get in my house. I’m not a good waiter…. I’m tired of the anticipation. I want it to be done already.

There’s no assistance out there for the honest hard working families. If they’re lazy and unwilling to work than they can get all the assistance out there…I’m just speaking the truth.

Pray for my children, or do whatever it is that you believe in.

I’m tired…I’m going to bed now.

Sorry...

I know its been a while.... I apologize. I will be back to my usual blogger self soon. The boys have been sick and its been busy busy busy around here!!

I will be back soon....I promise!!

Until then feel free to entertain yourselves in my comments!

A Little Shimmer...

There’s been something I’ve wanted to do for four years now and have yet to do it. I want my nose pierced. Not some big ole ring, just the tiniest of shimmers. [Around here we call them “shimmers”.]

I’ve talk to several fellow bloggers and voiced my questions I had, and they have all been so sweet in answering me. Right after the boys were born I went and had my doubles in my ears done and my second cartilage. Pain wasn’t too bad. However, they do the nose with a needle, so I’m a little apprehensive…. for the pain that is.

Do you have any advice, thoughts, or general comments on the subject??