What's In A Name...

Apparently Katie means:

Pure, Virginal.

This got a laugh from the peanut gallery.

::blink blink::

What?? Am I not?

Rotten

Need I say more?

Today We Awake...

“That’s what happens when the only voice she ever hears is telling her she can’t.”

This morning as I was doing something I do every day I actually stopped and paid attention as I did it. What you ask? Well I’ll tell you.

Every morning when Chad leaves for work the boys and I see him off at the door. The boys give him hugs and kisses and then get the door for him and we wave bye. Today as Carter was waving bye and I was holding Levi on my hip and he was calling out telling Chad he loved him… I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

Here I have been sitting feeling like a failure in comparison to all those around me my age that are doing exciting things, went to college, got great jobs, etc. And here I am never went to college struggling and fighting, HOWEVER, look what I do have. Here I stand with two little guys that love me and a Man that adores me, even if I do have to talk him into making out with me…[I’ll never let that go honey…haha]. And even though it’s a fight and a struggle I’m living the dream. The 1950’s family American Dream…. So I’m a few decades off…What of it? I’ve always been a little off.

So they went to college, got smart got a good job…live in fancy exciting places. But are they happy? We all have our struggles our sadness, no matter what we do or accomplish in our lives. We all gave up some dreams to be where we are. That doesn’t make us any less worthy of happiness, Nor does not being what we're told we should be and do in live to be ‘successful’.

We make are our own dreams, our own joys… If only we open our eyes to see them.

Ownership...

Of your feelings

Actions

Beliefs.

Ownership.

Dream it… Be it… Own it.


Now if I could just listen to myself….

Excuse Me...

::steps on to soap box…clears throat::

Vermont: A guy kidnaps a four-year-old boy and sexually molests him ten times. When the bastard was caught do you know what the judge gave him???

A 22$ fine and probation!!!! That way the judge said he could go to rehab. Hello?? He’s not a drug addict or an alcoholic…. And the 22$ fine is just insulting to that boy and his family.

Apparently Vermont and Montana are still under the delusional opinion that sex offenders can be rehabilitated. Drug dealers get more time in jail.

The bastard deserves to rot in jail.

::steps off of soap box::

Our Day In Videos....

This morning I got up threw on my big comfy white sweater and started packing for the day ahead of us… snacks, sippy cups, diapers…etc. Then I saw it, my camera. I said to myself… Self take the camera and capture this so they can see when they’re older how strong and brave they are. And well so all can see how down right adorable my little rotten ones are. Ok so our day went a little something like this:

We arrived at the hospital and the boys are given some liquid meds to help with any reactions and wait for 40 minutes before the IVIG is given. Here are the boys during that process….



Then the nurses came in and started the IV’s and we are under way with the treatments. Here they are about an hour and a half after the first video was taken. A lot more subdued!




Another hour and a half passes…. They’re getting a little bored and were starting to cry and fuss so we gave them our turned off cell phones to play with…




About an hour or so after that the IV’s were taken out the treatment was over. They went around to all their nurses and gave them hugs and told them bye, thank you and that they’ll see them next time. Such little gentlemen.

Next time? That will be March 15th. Due to illness in the week before the treatment their Doctors are bumping their treatments up to every three weeks…. Breath….Breath….. It’s the adults that need the strength, these little guys where amazing today.

IV's And Cookies.....

Tomorrow… Tuesday… Is treatment day. Once again.

Oh so fun, I can hardly contain myself. ::sarcastic chuckle::

I tried to have a little talk with the boys to prepare them.

It went a little something like this:

Me: Boys we have to go to the hospital tomorrow.

Carter: Why??

Me: You have to get your treatments.

Levi and Carter [in unison]: NOOOO ::shaking heads::

Me: You have to be brave for mama.

Carter: Ooookaayyy.

Me: And you Levi?

Carter: Seeseye [that’s how he says Levi] ok?

Levi: Uhhh-Ooo

Me: All right now who wants a cookie??

Levi and Carter: ::jumping up and down:: Ok!! Ok!!


***Yeah they already know….Cookies solve everything***

There She Hides Beneath The Crisp Sheets...

Do you have feelings that you just can't explain?

You know, just know that even if you try every one will take it the wrong way.

That you're being stuck in a corner suffocating by all the conflicting feelings.

Your minds telling you one thing...You're feeling another.

Among all this is the guilt...The guilt for feeling what you're feeling....Oh the guilt the all consuming guilt.

But that only fuels all the feelings...It doesn't stop them.

Talk about them...I could...Only to have them turned around on me...No thanks.

I'll be 25 in 17 days.

What's it all about...What have I accomplished...

It's slipping away... Oh so quickly and quietly....

Can you see it?

Look in the mirror.

I don't recognize her.

The Coughing Keeps Ringing In My Ears....

Well the boys’ treatments are being rescheduled. They got worse as the day went on. Fevers and coughing till they would throw up. Their nurse with Dr. Congeni’s said its better to wait. So they’ll reschedule in the morning. I’m thinking they’ll just make it for next week.

Poor Levi he looks so pitiful... Just want to cuddle him, that is until he starts coughing and throws up all over you. Yeah it’s been a real good Valentines Day for me.

So I’m thinking I need a little funny in my day... What do you have for me?

Some Snow With Your Valentine?

Today was not only the worst snowstorm we’ve had in a couple years, but it was also doctor day. I had my oh so lovely yearly. And the boys had to get checked out in preparation for their infusion on Thursday. Turns out they have a viral infection… As long as we can keep their fevers under control they will still do their treatments.

As for this snow storm we’re a having’ it’s so bad. We’ve gotten oh… about 7inches and are expected to get 10-17 MORE!! I’m literally snowed in.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. What’s that mean for me? Nothing really. Preparing for the boys treatment and that’s about it. However if you want…if you really really want…. You can send me a little Valentine of my very own…


Get your own valentinr

What are your plans??

Just Another Sunday Night

“Got a friend with a pole in the basement.”

Chad: Remember that song?

Me: Uh YEA…

***Few seconds pass***

Me: I want a pole.

Chad: What for?

Me: ::blink blink:: Ummmm for OBVISIOUS reasons…. Wouldn’t you like a pole?

Chad: I’m not getting on no pole.

Me: No one asked you too!! Wouldn’t you want to see me on one?

Chad: I just keep picturing that King of Queens episode with Kevin James on the pole… [Laughing]

Me: Well I’m a little better than Kevin James… At least I would hope….


[Maybe it’s the five-year itch? OR Maybe I’m just not pole material? ]

Let's Play A Little Game...

Let’s play the Personals game.

Here’s what you do. Leave a funny personals ad about yourself, like you would see in a newspaper, in the comments.

For example:

Married white female looking for a boyfriend. 5’4 and 1?? Pounds [you guess it that’s your right.] Prefers short walks on long beaches. Likes men who can make her laugh and NOT pee her pants. Likes vintage clothes, antiques, and older men who know what they’re doing. If this sounds like you and you like a little cushion for the pushin’, then contact this Luscious Lady @ 330-###-####.


Your Turn…

The Attack...

Woke up this morning and had a panic attack.

Got up thinking that walking around would help.

Went to the bathroom, came out stood in the hallway and passed out.

I was worried I scared the boys, but Chad said they just went running to him saying, “mommy uh-o!”

They helped me up took me to the couch and Levi covered me up with a blanket.

Had another attack.

Chad gave me one of my pills and said he’d stay home with the boys so I could take it and go to sleep.

Spent the rest of the day in bed in out of consciousness.

The boys were sweet Chad was even sweeter.

I just wish these would go away.

Hard to think about doing things with my life when I’m scared one of these is going to hit me.

Around strangers or else people we don’t want knowing.

Those who don’t take the time to understand, Judge.

The Towel

Last night I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around me and then came out to the living room. I sat down on the couch and chatted a bit with Miss Lily, checked blogs and the like and before I knew it, it was time to go to bed.

With my towel still wrapped around me, Chad and I preceded into the kitchen to put our glasses in the sink. As I’m standing in front of the sink with a window to the side of me, yet to have curtains or blinds and that looks onto all the neighbors houses and windows, in a well lit kitchen. Chad thinks he’d be funny. What’d he do you ask?

Takes the towel wrapped around all my goodness…. And RUNS!!

“You son of a bitch!!” I yell while laughing.

Turns out this was his idea of a little foreplay. Immature? Maybe.

But it worked.

40 Questions....

1. Name people who made you laugh yesterday? Mr Jones, Lily, Chad and Little Levi

2. What were you doing at 8 this morning? Sleeping

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Emailing back and forth with Mr Jones

4. What is something that happened to you in 1994? I was in 6th grade…Got a pimple?

5. What is the last thing you said aloud? “Night Night Boys”

6. How many different things did you drink today? Water….exciting, no?

7. What colour is your hairbrush? Purple and Orange.

8. What was the last thing you bought? Mcdonalds for my sister and law.

9.Who is your best friend? I don’t have just one…I have many good friends….

10.What colour is your front door? Beige

11. Where do you keep your change? I do use cash…debit card all the way

12. What was the weather like today? COLD

13. What is the best ice-cream flavor? Cookies and Cream…made with real Oreos

14. What is something you are excited about? Getting super powers

15. When was the last rainbow you saw? The one that I found the little green guy at the end of…

16. Do you have a sister? Yes. The talented creat.or of Rocketfuel… Sarah

17. Are you very random? Bout what?

18. Do you want to cut your hair? No I’m growing it for locks of Love

19. Are you over the age of 25? Not yet….

20. Do you talk a lot? Depends who I’m talking with

21. Do you watch The OC? Hell No… I don’t get those shows.

22. Make up a question and answer it. Do you like it like this? Always.

23. Do you know anyone called Steve? Yes…..why?

24. Are you ticklish? In certain areas…and no I’m not telling

25. Are you typically a jealous person? Not in the least…

26. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A.’ I have a niece names Ashlyn, a friend named Amy….

27. Do you chew on your straw? No I’m not a chewer…I don’t even like to chew gum.

28. What is the next concert you’re going to? I’d LIKE to go to see Arron Lewis from Staind do an accoustic show at the House of Blues next month. But Chad will be out of town…..

29. Who is the coolest person in your life? Ummm it’s a toss up between ME and Lily…haha

30. What is something you say a lot? “Stop it Carter!! Let Levi up!!”

31. What is the last thing you ate? A pretzel yes just one.

32. Have you seen the movie ‘Donnie Darko’? Nope never even heard of it…

33. Do you have work tomorrow? I have “work” everyday.

34. Is marriage in your future? At this point I’d say yes. Haha

35. What should you be doing right now? Playing with my toy … I mean Laundry, yeah laundry.

36. Do you have a nickname? Not at this precise moment.

37. Are you a heavy sleeper? Depends what I take….

38. When was the last time you used a skateboard? I think I was ten.

39. What is the best movie you’ve seen in the past two weeks? I’ve only seen one movie in the last 2 weeks…and it was Dream Girls.

40. Are you currently depressed? No, more of a state of anxious wonderment.

Dicussion Anyone?

What’s the secret to happiness? I feel it is with in us to find. I think we all know what would make us happy. We let fear get in the way of going after it.

There’s a quote from Bertrand Russell,

“Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of happiness.”

Easier said than done...Eh?

Though it is said as well that the lack of fear is a sign of mania. As in saying that fear is your minds way of rationalizing...Having rational thought is suppose to be a sign of normalcy. So then the crazy are really the happiest among us.

What do you all think?

Sunday Drivin'....

Chad: [driving] You excited to get your laptop?

Me: YES!!

Chad: You are spoiled.

Me: No… Just loved. [Cute little grin]

Chad: You rely on being cute don’t you?

Me: I have no idea what you are referring to. If it makes people happy to give me things, who am I to deny them of what makes them happy? [An even cuter grin thrown in his direction with a little giggle]

Chad: Hmmm, remember that statement…that can work many ways… [wink wink]

Brrr....

Currently with the wind chill it is like -10. I'm freezing.

So.....Warm me up... Whatever ya gotta do....

PISCES:. The Piece of ass

Find your sexy zodiac here.

Here is mine:

PISCES:. The Piece of ass.

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.