I'm Sorry Babies.............

Hmmm...this is hard I don't know where to start but I feel it will help me deal better if I feel like I'm talking about it a getting it out. Let me catch you up....... My twins were born at 34 weeks instead of 40 like term babies. They had several complications and both had to be resuatated and put on ventilators. They spent two weeks in the NICU. Of course ever since I've feelt guilty every time they had a problem thats related to being premature...their immature lungs needing special meds and shots their dirst year, their touching immature digestive systems needing special formula and feeding times.......I'd feel guilty I tell my self if I had only keept them in a little longer, if I'd only of gained more weight during the pregnancy (I gained 20 lbs.) they would of been better off....If Only. Well I few weeks ago we had yet another blow, Levi had blood work done to check about food allergies cause they react so bad with asthma and all to milk or anything that has milk in it. Levi had he's taken first and when we took Carter up to the hospital to get he's taken we got the results of Levi's. It seems that he's red blood count is extremly low which the doctor says tells him that he's immune system has not developed properly. And that thats probably why he gets so sick with milk. Theres "Good" bacteria in milk, but with out a developed immune system it takes it as bad and causes him to get sick. So today we had blow number two when the doctor called me to give me Carters blood test results....He has the same thing. So we have to be careful were we take them and all. And then they get their blood taken again in April. He says it rare to start with but those babies who do have it seem to get their immune system by 3 or 4. If they don't develope it by then theres medication to give them I guess to help with going to school. The One blessing in this? He said its a good thing we decided I'd be a stay at home mom, cause if they'd of been in daycare we probably would of already had several overnight hospital stays....with all the kids and things they wouldn't of been able to fight off. So again I feel guilty that I didn't keep them in longer...but i do feel good knowing i did help them by staying home with them. I'll keep you posted on how things are going...I'd tell you the name of what they have however its like 100 letters long I swear!!!

However looking back from were we started at were very blessed to have them here with us and as healthy as they are. I know these pictures are hard to look at believe me their hard for me too look at....but sometimes you have to look back to see how far you've come. Remember to see the babies now check out their photo link at the right, called The Bode Em.... till next time...........................................................................................