Here I Am Again.........
It's 8:30 in the evening and here I am again, alone. The twins are in bed and Chad is at a MMA fight up in the Flatts... That's up in Cleveland. I'm telling you I need an interest or something, though it probably wouldn't matter cause I'm the mom, and apparently am the one that has to give up EVERYTHING!!
Now I know Chad helps out a lot he's a great Dad... I'm just in a funk lately, bored and tired of always being alone. Chad works looong hours and trains and goes to fights which is cool...... But I get a little stir crazy at times!! Does it make me a bad mother to get bored with my 23 month twins??? I can't go anywhere by myself with them for obvious reasons, cause I personally don;t have four hands..... God shorted me a few rendering me handicapped when it comes to handling two year old twin boys.
Friends? You may ask.... Do blog friends count? Problem there is you all live far away!! See I lost a lot of friends when I got married at 19. That's just not where they were in life, most of them in college and such. See Chad is 7 years my senior, we fell in Love and he was ready to settle down already.... And truth be told I was in love and ready myself. Now I have this thing, see I have a hard time finding mom friends and when I do they;re the type that can only hold a conversation if it has to due with their children. I HATE that!!! Yes we've had kids, yes we are mothers.... But NO they do not define us!! You don;t have to give up all you are when you have kids rendering you socially unable to hold a conversation with someone unless it has to due with poop and sippy cups!!! When I get together with someone I'd like to have an outlet from my children, so to do nothing but talk about the kiddos is not helpful to me....... If that makes me weird it wouldn't be the first thing!! My greatest fear you see is to lose my sense of self, and only be defined as mother.......
I tend to get along better with people who are older than me, must be why Chad is 7 years older..... Maybe I'm just an old soul. My single friends are fun and I get to hear about their awesome lives and its way cool and a great outlet and fun conversations, but they tend to drop me like a hot potato once they have "a significant other", though even though I was married, never did that to them. I'm sure not all singles are like that, maybe its just a maturity thing and older singles wouldn't do that, I'm not sure. But its tough. Of course not being able to get out and do anything cause I'm always having to be with the twins, does make it hard to meet anybody!!
So that's my funk I've been in, that's what it's all about. At 24 I can't help but wander....
Is this it??
Now I know Chad helps out a lot he's a great Dad... I'm just in a funk lately, bored and tired of always being alone. Chad works looong hours and trains and goes to fights which is cool...... But I get a little stir crazy at times!! Does it make me a bad mother to get bored with my 23 month twins??? I can't go anywhere by myself with them for obvious reasons, cause I personally don;t have four hands..... God shorted me a few rendering me handicapped when it comes to handling two year old twin boys.
Friends? You may ask.... Do blog friends count? Problem there is you all live far away!! See I lost a lot of friends when I got married at 19. That's just not where they were in life, most of them in college and such. See Chad is 7 years my senior, we fell in Love and he was ready to settle down already.... And truth be told I was in love and ready myself. Now I have this thing, see I have a hard time finding mom friends and when I do they;re the type that can only hold a conversation if it has to due with their children. I HATE that!!! Yes we've had kids, yes we are mothers.... But NO they do not define us!! You don;t have to give up all you are when you have kids rendering you socially unable to hold a conversation with someone unless it has to due with poop and sippy cups!!! When I get together with someone I'd like to have an outlet from my children, so to do nothing but talk about the kiddos is not helpful to me....... If that makes me weird it wouldn't be the first thing!! My greatest fear you see is to lose my sense of self, and only be defined as mother.......
I tend to get along better with people who are older than me, must be why Chad is 7 years older..... Maybe I'm just an old soul. My single friends are fun and I get to hear about their awesome lives and its way cool and a great outlet and fun conversations, but they tend to drop me like a hot potato once they have "a significant other", though even though I was married, never did that to them. I'm sure not all singles are like that, maybe its just a maturity thing and older singles wouldn't do that, I'm not sure. But its tough. Of course not being able to get out and do anything cause I'm always having to be with the twins, does make it hard to meet anybody!!
So that's my funk I've been in, that's what it's all about. At 24 I can't help but wander....
Is this it??
posted by Kate Michele at 8:31 PM
11 Comments:
I hear ya.
I was 18+4 days when I got hitched.
Sometimes I *still* feel like I am *playing* house.
And moving once every 2-3 years doesn't leave much room for a LOAD of friends...so I pretty much keep to myself.
It's not just you, dude. I promise.
WOW, I like how you said "playin' house" I can relate to that!! That would be hard moving so much... wouldn't want to form close bonds and then have to leave... That'd be rough!!
Wow....Hmmm, hard for me to give advice being that I am single with zero children. Well as the kids get older, won't it be easier to get a sitter so you can go out more? Or...you could always find an "in house" hobbie like painting or reading....when the kids are in bed...
I don't think i'm being too helpful...sorry.
The one thing i miss about Cleveland are it's big beautifully green, lush parks. Austin does have nice parks but Clevelands were bigger and greener:)
that was completely off the subject....
I think, in one form or another I have either (A) had some of those same feelings myself (less the kids) or (B) know someone who goes through the same thing.
So, if it makes you feel any better (and i hope it does) there are others who feel the same, and sympathize.
Trojan: Thanks! It helps just knowing you're listening, or I should say, reading!! I do read... and enjoy it... I also, inspired by you to fing hobbies, am thinking of purchasing a jogging stroller, for easy trips to walk around the park in town....And also going out biking in the morning before chad leaves for work...since he's on the late shift. It won't help with the friends issue but it WILL get me out!! I'll keep ya posted!!
Anthony: Thanks!! I always feel like my feelings aren't normal or that I shouldn't feel that way because i'm a mom, or that it makes me a bad mother!!
I think we all go through that phase wondering "is this it?" When they're little unfortunately, life revolves around your children....maybe when they get in preschool or K you'll meet more people and all that who share the same things as you. I remember doing nothing with "friends" unless it was a childs birthday or playdate etc....and that usually didn't cut it for me. I have a handful of friends that I call friends...everyone else is either a coworker or an aquaintance. I'm not real good having friends honestly-I'm more of a keep to myself or hang out with my family kind of girl....
Maybe you could find a hobby? Or start going with Chad on the weekends if he goes to watch fights or whatever. Do you have a sitter? If not, maybe that's a place to start..even if it's only 1 Friday night or Saturday that you get a break. At least it's a break.
Kimmyk: My "sitter" is my parents or he's.... But I should try and set things up more often!! I jsut never know what to do!! Everything cost so much money!! I know what you mean about keeping to yourself... I don;t do well with a buch of friends mainly cause with the twins I don;t have time to cultivate a buch of friendships, but I would like to have one or two close friends to talk to... Though I'm finding all you blogger friends very fun to talk to and very supportive!! Thanks guys!!!
Kate, being mom doesn't mean you give up everything. You mustn't, or you'll end up resenting your whole family and that isn't a good thing. LOVE yourself. :-)
You're normal. Follow an interest that you have always had but haven't followed through on.
Your hubby sounds like a cool guy who woudn;t mind watching the house occasionally.
Point is, if you live for only one thing, no matter how noble, you cease to live. No shame in realizing that.
rrramone: I'm starting to realize this!! And once I figure out who the hell I am....I'll be true to it!! Promise...
Mike: Thanks... I'll have to think on it... A hobby that is!!
I had my daughter when I was 16, that made it hard on my friends. They really didn't know what to do or how to act. Now, 11 years later they are all starting to have babies and I am the one having a hard time watching them go through the same changes I did. I am getting to a point where I want to go out and do things because the kids are older and now my friends are starting to have babies and be all about them. Don't think this helped much but it is just what I have been through.
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