Crazy Me...
Why is it that we can take compliments better from strangers than from loved ones?
I find compliments from those I love to be patronizing, and I tend to just brush them off. Some times I feel that Chad comes off as being patronizing, maybe it’s his tone…But I really feel that it’s just me. I wonder…. Do others do the same thing?
Strangers…or even those that I don’t really know can compliment and I take it for what it is… Family can do the same and I read into it as “They’re just being nice” or “They feel they have to say that”. Why do I do that?
Furthermore why do we, as women feel the need to be complimented, is it in our makeup or just part of the natural women insecurities? I can be feeling pretty good about myself but I still seek out for Chad to reinforce what I’m feeling…. Why can’t what I see in myself be enough? And those days that I feel crummy about myself or feel that I look like a beached whale, those days it really doesn’t matter what anyone says…. For it all will be viewed as pity and trying- to- make- me- feel -better comments, but that is probably just PMS!!
It’s tough being women. And as I’ve said before the media doesn’t help. I wonder…do men feel the same insecurities? Is confidence a gene that some of us just don’t get? Cause if so, in my experience this confidence gene is for the most part bestowed on the annoying. Or does the over confidence make them annoying…. I’m not sure.
For instance when I watch shows like American Idol and the tryouts are on, and this girl is on there in a tight mini and belly shirt [when she ought not be] and sounding like a drowning cat whose throat has been sliced, I can’t help but ask aloud…”Where do these people get their confidence??”
Do they not have anyone to tell them the truth? Because as much as I feel we as women need to be lifted up every now and then, I don’t want to be told fake compliments!! I respect the honest…. Yearn for honesty really. Cause most people usually in the pursuit of selling something, will lie and compliment where there need not be said such a compliment.
Even worst than fake compliments, in my opinion, are the people that tell others what they think they want to hear. I can’t stand that!!! It all goes back to honesty. Honesty with others and yourself. Like I’m being honest with myself in realizing that, yes, I need to be complimented from time to time. We all do. Having the confidence in ourselves to take the compliments for what they are, hoping they’re not just telling us what they think we want to hear!!
I find compliments from those I love to be patronizing, and I tend to just brush them off. Some times I feel that Chad comes off as being patronizing, maybe it’s his tone…But I really feel that it’s just me. I wonder…. Do others do the same thing?
Strangers…or even those that I don’t really know can compliment and I take it for what it is… Family can do the same and I read into it as “They’re just being nice” or “They feel they have to say that”. Why do I do that?
Furthermore why do we, as women feel the need to be complimented, is it in our makeup or just part of the natural women insecurities? I can be feeling pretty good about myself but I still seek out for Chad to reinforce what I’m feeling…. Why can’t what I see in myself be enough? And those days that I feel crummy about myself or feel that I look like a beached whale, those days it really doesn’t matter what anyone says…. For it all will be viewed as pity and trying- to- make- me- feel -better comments, but that is probably just PMS!!
It’s tough being women. And as I’ve said before the media doesn’t help. I wonder…do men feel the same insecurities? Is confidence a gene that some of us just don’t get? Cause if so, in my experience this confidence gene is for the most part bestowed on the annoying. Or does the over confidence make them annoying…. I’m not sure.
For instance when I watch shows like American Idol and the tryouts are on, and this girl is on there in a tight mini and belly shirt [when she ought not be] and sounding like a drowning cat whose throat has been sliced, I can’t help but ask aloud…”Where do these people get their confidence??”
Do they not have anyone to tell them the truth? Because as much as I feel we as women need to be lifted up every now and then, I don’t want to be told fake compliments!! I respect the honest…. Yearn for honesty really. Cause most people usually in the pursuit of selling something, will lie and compliment where there need not be said such a compliment.
Even worst than fake compliments, in my opinion, are the people that tell others what they think they want to hear. I can’t stand that!!! It all goes back to honesty. Honesty with others and yourself. Like I’m being honest with myself in realizing that, yes, I need to be complimented from time to time. We all do. Having the confidence in ourselves to take the compliments for what they are, hoping they’re not just telling us what they think we want to hear!!
posted by Kate Michele at 5:42 PM
10 Comments:
My grandmother always told me to always compliment a lady even if it's a stranger. Even if it looks like she's having a bad day because that one compliment will always make her day.
I understand. For most of my life I have been told I was ugly, so nowadays whenever anyone compliments me I don't believe it - I just assume they're either pitying me or being patronizing. Even if they're being genuine, I cannot accept it as such - it makes me really uncomfortable to be complimented by anyone. Not that it happens much anyway :)
I don't know, but I took a shot. Three posts in one day - I'm exhausted.
I always think they're after something or just trying to make me feel better.
I dont know why we do that. I think it's what we put ourselves through with self doubt.
I used to have a problem accepting compliments...I didn't believe anything was true and disliked myself. I STILL have insecurites and esteem issues but they are better these days..for the most part.
I like to compliment others for two reasons...1- sometimes I really mean exactly what I am saying to that person and 2- sometimes I see someone is having a horrible day i want them to feel better...even if the compliment isn't 100% sincere.
guess that might be a bad thing....
oh well...I try.
kimmyk & trojan: The best advice I ever received about accepting compliments is to say "thank you" and move on.
new here! hi kate! i cruised over from anthony's spot after he wrote about us earlier. :) nice to *meet* you!
i think this is really a cultural deal - this insecurity you describe. i think if all of the anti-anxiety medications that are being prescribed today - and how when i worked in the bar, insecurities were the biggest confessions i heard repeatedly from my bar guests. it always surprised me, as every one of the people that talked to me about it i never would've guessed it! men and women! i also think of the messages that we're innundated with on a daily basis.
this may sound lame - but i noticed that when i canceled my cable years ago and took my issues of glamour and cosmo to the recycling bin - within weeks i felt better about myself, more secure. that's a whole other long story that i won't bore you with, but that is one of the experiences i've had that stands out.
p/s -anthony is spot on with the simple thank you. just remember - if you're complimented, you deserve to feel happy about it!
Kara: You know you have something there, I have felt better about my self on the whole since I did away with getting the mags in the mail, I did it to save money but I think it had an even better affect!!
You sound like my wife. Women need to be complimented, since they are raised to get reinforcement for their looks, but then come to mistrust those compliments as "payment" for nefarious desires.
Sometimes a cigar is just a smoke.
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