A little Input Please.....
Should you apologize when you know you were standing up for yourself and your family, just because its family that was doing the thing you stood up for??
Should you apologize therefore they think they were in the right and then continue to treat you in that manner?
Is being the “bigger” person really just code for…”I let you walk all over me but hey I’ll be the bigger person and apologize, so you can continue to do so, thinking you were right all along.”
Should rude behavior, and hurtful cutting remarks be let go just because its “family” doing it?
Even though it is “family” doesn’t always mean being around them is best for my children…right? Or should you just let it go?
And finally, how does one let all the anger go?
Anger…Such anger.
How do you release it?
I’m told to let it go move on…
But how does one do that exactly?
Anyone??
Should you apologize therefore they think they were in the right and then continue to treat you in that manner?
Is being the “bigger” person really just code for…”I let you walk all over me but hey I’ll be the bigger person and apologize, so you can continue to do so, thinking you were right all along.”
Should rude behavior, and hurtful cutting remarks be let go just because its “family” doing it?
Even though it is “family” doesn’t always mean being around them is best for my children…right? Or should you just let it go?
And finally, how does one let all the anger go?
Anger…Such anger.
How do you release it?
I’m told to let it go move on…
But how does one do that exactly?
Anyone??
posted by Kate Michele at 5:28 PM
10 Comments:
Family or not- nobody should feel they have the right to belittle or degrade you. If I don't like what somebody says or the way in which they say it, I just let 'em know.
I find it actually easier to tell of family members than others.
I also tend to hold grudges, so don't ask me about the whole "letting go of anger" thing.
No, just because they are family does NOT make it automaticlaly okay for your boys to be exposed to them.
Especially if they are "teaching" a behavior you don't want your boys to learn. B/c those boys *are* at an age when they are little sponges.
Sorry your family is making you wonder such things...I know I have a few "toxic" aunts that I do not visit, or let my kids visit for this very reason.
I have to believe I know what's best for my babies.
HTH
I for one dear Miss Kate am like you I think.
I sit back and let family push and shove me around all the while bitching about it when I'm with honey but I never say anything to them. My sister for one. She is my only sibling and we're twins and she drives me insane. She's hateful and mean and just plain mean. I would never be friends with her if she weren't my sister. Finally sick of hearing it everytime I talk to her and dealing with her comments about how I should do this or that I finally let it all out-in an email. She of course replied with more hateful remarks and I haven't spoken with her in 3 months and my life amazingly is alot less stressful.
Now as far as letting go-I forgive probably far too easily. I just let it go otherwise all that stress and hurt and drama begins to manifest and makes me sick so I find it easier to just forgive and move on. Naive? No. Just not one to hold a grudge. But I'm not stupid enough either to let ya shit on me twice.
Good luck with whatever is going on.
There is some sort of code regarding family. I'm not sure where it is, but it's one of those codes that says something like 'family comes first' or something that sounds like your family should be able to say or do anything and we will accept it.
I've never been a big believer in codes, choosing instead to treat everyone the same - family, friends, co-workers or strangers. I think it works (at least it works for me) and what it does is not compromise my emotions or beliefs for the sake of what place one occupies in my life. If I believe something is right or wrong, it is such regardless of who is doing the talking.
To thine own self be true.
A lot of my family still in the deep south are rednecks. Racist, sexist,etc. I feel it is important for my daughter to know them, but I do not want her to share their beliefs. I remember that even as young as 4 or 5, she would ask, "Why does Great-Papa say those words?" We had to explain that he was part of an older generation that never learned any better. Anyway, long sotry short, she knows that people with those attitudes exist out there, and she is related to many like that, it is a misguided thinking that knowledge can cure.
That is how my ex and I have tried to deal with family that are pushy and don't hold the same values. By educating her.
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I always speak up. If feelings have to be hurt in the process then that's something I have to deal with. But I only speak up in that way if I feel that something needs to be done to fix the situation. I never purposely go out to hurt people emotionally on the daily basis. It's always for a reason, a good reason, somewhat reasonable reason, most of the time.
You have to know how what you want to say will effect the other person.
Nothing wrong with standing uo for yourself. Beging the "bigger" person does NOT mean allowing yourself to be walked on and treated like shit...that makes you a Victim. There is a huge difference.
Anger...I have anger from years and years ago and have no idea how to let go. I used to think I could outrun it on a treadmill but it catches up with you sooner or later. they say you must confront your anger issues and forgive or accept them...I take them to the gym with me. I simply do not know how to let go of certain things....it's a true handicap.
Thats my problem I don't know how to let go or confront it...it just festers inside of me..... I wish some one could tell me exactly what to "do" to get rid of it or come to peace with it.......
I think I know what you mean but I have no solutions.
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