Roles...
On further observation of other wives, I’m not sure I have gotten the whole wife role down. Chad’s buddies who are married, have the most possessive and controlling wives, or is that what I am suppose to be and are not? Let me site you a few examples if I may…..
Example one: One of he’s buddies, we will call him Petey, was to go to see Chad compete last weekend. His wife was complaining about it, and how she wouldn’t see him very much over the weekend then. So to make it up to her he took Monday off. Well last Thursday comes along and he’s wife wakes him up crying…literally crying….That he’s going to go. She’s 38 years old mind you. Did he go, you wonder? Nope he stayed. Using this same buddy as an example: A few weeks back he was at the gas station paying for his gas when he’s wife called him, she heard the girl behind the counter say “Thanks”, while handing him he’s change back, and she went ballistic!! Chad said for DAYS she was calling him at work and accusing him of cheating…He’s NEVER cheated on her, so its not like she has paranoia of it happening again or something. She also overheard the girls at work talking about tan lines, while he was on the phone with her and threw a fit! I don’t get it! He told Chad its getting bad but he’s staying for the kid’s….That aren’t even his!!
Example two: Another of he’s buddies wife gets angry if he even “talks” about a girl on TV, ya know like to say, “wow Kristen Davis on Sex and the City is the hottest of them all on that show”…She’d be pissed and crabbing’!!! Like he’s talking about a real woman in their life, like it could ever happen!!
Example three: Another’s wife won’t even let him have activities he enjoys, like Chad goes to jiu-jitsu class twice a week, she would never allow it. And so he doesn’t have any activities or interest outside of the house and work.
Example four: And yet another’s wife gets all bent out of shape and cryin’ that he’s going to leave her, over simply talking to, say me, at the company Christmas party or if I stop in at work….And don’t get me started on the wrath and the interrogating that these husbands take everyday over the few women that work there, and their “involvement” with them!! One’s their boss…. Come off it!! So apparently they can’t even talk to another female or even have female friends!!!
It’s a good thing Chad has the wife he does… He grapples with a girl in class every week, and if he had one of “those” wives, granted that he was allowed to go at all, that piece of information would for sure put a stop to it!!
Like about a month ago, Chad went and grabbed a beer with the guys after work… And he told them, “Hang on let me go call Kate real quick so she knows where I’m at”…. They were shocked… Like “you’re gonna tell her??!!!!” He’s “Ummm yeah… why not?”
Where’s the trust I ask you??? Chad has friends that say they’d go beat a guy up for hittin on their wife… Its not the guys you have to worry about its your wife. You should trust her enough to know that she wouldn’t accept their advances. I’ve gotten hit on and I politely say thanks for the compliment but I’m married, Chad and I both agreed, though, that I should still keep the free drink!! (Chad’s view: It’s one less one he has to buy! And secretly I think he takes it as a compliment to himself...Thats how I take it when girls look at him or say he's hot.)
I know that Chad loves me and I him, we know that we’re it for each other and as the saying goes “ come home to each other at the end of the night, cause the honeys sweeter from the hive!!” …. It just seems to me the more you suffocate the other, the more they’re going to want to fly. But then again, maybe I have it all wrong.
Example one: One of he’s buddies, we will call him Petey, was to go to see Chad compete last weekend. His wife was complaining about it, and how she wouldn’t see him very much over the weekend then. So to make it up to her he took Monday off. Well last Thursday comes along and he’s wife wakes him up crying…literally crying….That he’s going to go. She’s 38 years old mind you. Did he go, you wonder? Nope he stayed. Using this same buddy as an example: A few weeks back he was at the gas station paying for his gas when he’s wife called him, she heard the girl behind the counter say “Thanks”, while handing him he’s change back, and she went ballistic!! Chad said for DAYS she was calling him at work and accusing him of cheating…He’s NEVER cheated on her, so its not like she has paranoia of it happening again or something. She also overheard the girls at work talking about tan lines, while he was on the phone with her and threw a fit! I don’t get it! He told Chad its getting bad but he’s staying for the kid’s….That aren’t even his!!
Example two: Another of he’s buddies wife gets angry if he even “talks” about a girl on TV, ya know like to say, “wow Kristen Davis on Sex and the City is the hottest of them all on that show”…She’d be pissed and crabbing’!!! Like he’s talking about a real woman in their life, like it could ever happen!!
Example three: Another’s wife won’t even let him have activities he enjoys, like Chad goes to jiu-jitsu class twice a week, she would never allow it. And so he doesn’t have any activities or interest outside of the house and work.
Example four: And yet another’s wife gets all bent out of shape and cryin’ that he’s going to leave her, over simply talking to, say me, at the company Christmas party or if I stop in at work….And don’t get me started on the wrath and the interrogating that these husbands take everyday over the few women that work there, and their “involvement” with them!! One’s their boss…. Come off it!! So apparently they can’t even talk to another female or even have female friends!!!
It’s a good thing Chad has the wife he does… He grapples with a girl in class every week, and if he had one of “those” wives, granted that he was allowed to go at all, that piece of information would for sure put a stop to it!!
Like about a month ago, Chad went and grabbed a beer with the guys after work… And he told them, “Hang on let me go call Kate real quick so she knows where I’m at”…. They were shocked… Like “you’re gonna tell her??!!!!” He’s “Ummm yeah… why not?”
Where’s the trust I ask you??? Chad has friends that say they’d go beat a guy up for hittin on their wife… Its not the guys you have to worry about its your wife. You should trust her enough to know that she wouldn’t accept their advances. I’ve gotten hit on and I politely say thanks for the compliment but I’m married, Chad and I both agreed, though, that I should still keep the free drink!! (Chad’s view: It’s one less one he has to buy! And secretly I think he takes it as a compliment to himself...Thats how I take it when girls look at him or say he's hot.)
I know that Chad loves me and I him, we know that we’re it for each other and as the saying goes “ come home to each other at the end of the night, cause the honeys sweeter from the hive!!” …. It just seems to me the more you suffocate the other, the more they’re going to want to fly. But then again, maybe I have it all wrong.
posted by Kate Michele at 2:03 PM
13 Comments:
nope... you have it all right. few of us understand it. the boys have wednesday nights for fishing and margaritas, it's just what they do. i'm always invited, but usually decline. it's guys' night. also, zak and i are both flirts, we know and accept this as true. we both know that when it comes down to it, we're coming home to each other. i think the world is a sick place and those people sound like they have some serious trust (and other) issues. you guys have true love and it shows with how you handle these types of situations. great job and way to not be like the others!
All those other woman have very low self esteem & the guys seem to have been born without testicles.
If I ever told my hubby he couldn't do something - I hope he'd tell me to f off. I mean unless he's gonna go buy a new car or something but that's different.
You & Chad are the only normal couple among all those other couples.
No you don't have it wrong, they do. A blog buddy had her husband cut off communications because he felt she was "flirting" with me. Meanwhile, she's in Michigan and I'm in New Jersey.
In the past, I've always let girlfriend or wife know where I was. I think it's only right. Lots of husbands don't enjoy their home life, so they think they're getting something over on the wife if they're out and the wife doesn't know where.
Sounds to me like you and Chad have healthy relationship.
You need to read this :)
http://www.math.unipd.it/~favero/varie/ragazzauk.html
You got it right Kate. Insecurities in a relationship can be the worst thing. Sometimes loving someone enough can't fix that.
Keep on keepin' on girlie!
Anthony: So true, it's just respectful that you call and let me know where you are...I won't give two shakes but its the thought!! **warning girl moment ahead*** You were married?? How long?? ***end of girl moment**
Ian: That was too funny!! So is it the same with women...Oh wait I gotta go "remind" the husband 1.0 to take the trash out!!
My husband is so not jealous. at all. never has been. i have been jealous in my younger years, but never with dh. it's just a trust thing. i would know he was going to cheat before it happened.
i gotta tell you, i think the husbands in these scenarios must be doing something to make the wives flip out like this. there are some serious trust issues at play (says the psychologist). I had an ex, many years ago, who would comment on 'hot' celebrities all the time. it was demeaning and hurtful and used as a control technique -- "how stupid are you to get jealous over her, despite all of my attempts to make you feel inadequate b/c of my own low self-esteem issues." i don't think some of that stuff is an innocent as it sounds on the surface.
oh, and some guys like their women to be jealous. Makes them feel studly or something.
i just read the part about anthony having been married. *insert another girl moment here*. I can't believe some lucky woman had you on the hook and let you get away!! you know you are gonna have to blog about this for us curious girls!
I've tried three times to formulate a proper response here...
I think one of the main problems with relationships is that a "dominant" and "passive" person emerges in every relationship.
Unfortunately it balances things out. Our roles are sold to us in our youth by our parents and for the most part we accept them.
So, when we get older, if we had a dominant Mom (from the guys perspective) we become little wimps for our wives. If we had strong fathers, we gravitate towards passive women because that is what we are used to. (mom making dinner and playing apologetics to a dominant male)
There are externalities to this rule, but it's pretty consistent.
Realizing how we were raised is key to developing our future. Are we becoming are parents? In a lot of ways we do. It's tough not to unless you really work at it.
Just a random thought really. Three martini's on a Friday night helps the armchair psychology.
Girls are just weird. I have friends like that, but I don't think they're quite that extreme. Hubby and I pretty much do our own thing quite a bit. He goes out with the guys. I sometimes go out with the guys, sometimes just the girls. I couldn't imagine having a relationship like that, I'd go running in the opposite direction!
ahhhh a healthy relationship. You're one in a million
you got it right
You're right on target. I have the good kind of relationship now and wouldn't tolerate the jealous/controlling crap anymore.
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