Behavior.....
Personality and behavior are tricky words. In my life, albeit short, I’ve heard this phrase over and over again in reference to others… “Ahh that’s just how (insert name here) is, they’ve always been that way.” OR…. “ That’s just how they are, we just ignore it and let it go, act like it didn’t happen.” These statements have always been said when the mentioned person has been rude, moody, or hurtful.
Now to me that’s not just a personality issue, that’s learned behavior, as in learned that they can get away with it because every one will just ignore it for that’s how they are. I’ve never understood this. Being strong willed, determined, or even not taking any bullshit from people is a personality trait, being down right rude and hurtful and selfish is a learned behavior. In my opinion any ways.
I speak my mind and I stand up for what I believe and I try not to let what others say get to me, but I was also taught that that’s all well and good and you should be yourself, that its not well and good to be ruefully hurtful and so selfish not to have decorum in the things you say to others. I’m not advocating censoring of ones self, but I don’t think you should be hurtful either.
When it comes to bad behavior are we excusing it as a personality trait??
If I were to be rude to someone or hurtful, my family would call me on it, one because they should and two because that would be so unlike me. But there are people I’ve been around that do it and they get from their family or friends, “oh that’s just how _____ is!!”
For instance… When I was a teenager we were taught to respect our parents and to not be smart and moody with them. I’ve since heard of women who in their teens, TOLD their mothers what to do and would get into actual PHYSICAL fights with them!! If I ever even TRIED that, my dad would of called the cops himself to come and get me!!!! And it seems that selfish rude behavior continues with them into adulthood…At least with the ones I’ve known.
Even if you didn’t have the greatest parents or a structured childhood, wouldn’t common since and decent social decorum factor in at SOME point???
Why do others give some people excuses, for their behaviors?
Now to me that’s not just a personality issue, that’s learned behavior, as in learned that they can get away with it because every one will just ignore it for that’s how they are. I’ve never understood this. Being strong willed, determined, or even not taking any bullshit from people is a personality trait, being down right rude and hurtful and selfish is a learned behavior. In my opinion any ways.
I speak my mind and I stand up for what I believe and I try not to let what others say get to me, but I was also taught that that’s all well and good and you should be yourself, that its not well and good to be ruefully hurtful and so selfish not to have decorum in the things you say to others. I’m not advocating censoring of ones self, but I don’t think you should be hurtful either.
When it comes to bad behavior are we excusing it as a personality trait??
If I were to be rude to someone or hurtful, my family would call me on it, one because they should and two because that would be so unlike me. But there are people I’ve been around that do it and they get from their family or friends, “oh that’s just how _____ is!!”
For instance… When I was a teenager we were taught to respect our parents and to not be smart and moody with them. I’ve since heard of women who in their teens, TOLD their mothers what to do and would get into actual PHYSICAL fights with them!! If I ever even TRIED that, my dad would of called the cops himself to come and get me!!!! And it seems that selfish rude behavior continues with them into adulthood…At least with the ones I’ve known.
Even if you didn’t have the greatest parents or a structured childhood, wouldn’t common since and decent social decorum factor in at SOME point???
Why do others give some people excuses, for their behaviors?
posted by Kate Michele at 8:56 PM
11 Comments:
I agree . Why do we tolerate bad behavior !
I might've gotten angry at my parents a few times, but what rebel teenager wouldn't? I always did respect them and since they have always been by my side through my hardest times I give them the most respect than anybody.
Parents say it to excuse their kids because they are embarrassed about their behavious, and their own failings as a parent for not teaching them that it is wrong.
When people lack common sense (which isn't always so common) and decorum, they can't be expected to behave in public. They're socially retarded, and I'm not sure if it's a learned behavior or just something they're born with.
Quick, run out and get me a sociologist!
You could call them on it, but my guess is that they will get even nastier and not understand what they did to annoy you.
YSB: Angry and rebeling yes but I doubt down right dissrespect and physical dismemberment!! I know I had my normal TEEN moments but....
blither: You know how some people will like make comments about you in a social setting that is just totally uncalled for.... ie. My neice said to me once, "aunt Katie why don't you have a puppy if you want one?" Me: "oh because babydoll we rent so our landlord won;t let us", I think she got it just fine but my sister in law felt it desearved more explianing and said,"yeah honey that don't OWN their house like us so they can't just do what ever they want because they don't have the funds to own".... BAD social behavior!!
Ian: Yeah but you would think at 30 they would learn some!!
I just had to deal with someone that did something questionable. I thought she was a friend so I asked her about it, might have been a misunderstanding. Then she did it again and I told her that I thought what she did was wrong. Then it happened again! This time I just let her know that I was done with her. I called her on the this the first two times that she did this and she still did it again. The bad part is that it wasn't towards me, but it affected people that I care about. I am just not going to let myself be in a position to have it happen to me. I think the best thing is to call them on it. Maybe they will think the next time or maybe they won't, but at least you let them know what you really thought about the situation.
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Oh man do I relate to this. In my family too!! My siter and I are always called out by our mom for behavior she doesn't approve of but BUT -- my brother NEVER does. With him it's all - "Oh well that's how he is."
God I hate that!!
GAH!!
If they've been allowed away with it their whole lives they wouldn't know any better though
Ian: Very True.
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