I Have To Say It.... Awww Much Better.....
I must have been absent the day of school when we went over social decorum and conversation skills. I am at the point where the next person I meet that actually has a conversation with me, meaning they say something then I respond then I say something, they LISTEN and then they respond to what I said, is going to be one of my favorite people!
Last night tired of never being heard or engaged in conversation….Only ever being “talked at” and never being heard I decided maybe I had it all wrong, and so I set out to learn about conversation….Turns out that, this time at least I had it right, must have been there that day after all!!
Webster’s dictionary defines conversation as:
a (1) : oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas (2) : an instance of such exchange : TALK
The word “exchange” would be the important word there. Then I saw they used the word “talk”, so I said to myself, “Self…maybe your confused on the meaning of talk”….So I looked that up as well:
1 a : to express or exchange ideas by means of spoken words b : to convey information.
Ummm It says the word exchange also…. Not one-sided talking at while the other listens but is never given a chance to be LISTENED to. Then I said, “Self, maybe you have the wrong idea of what listening means, well Webster’s defines it as:
2 : to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration
Well that’s what I thought…People aren’t listening to what I’m saying and giving it consideration or thoughtful attention, because they don’t know what I said or respond to it or even look at me and pretend I said anything!! Quite frankly I’m becoming very tired of it, and now that I did my homework and know I have the correct understanding of it, very frustrated.
I will now give you all a few examples, all of which happened over the weekend, of what I encounter EVERYDAY, and then you can tell me if I have reason to be agitated or if I’m just being my manic self:
***Pulling into the garage in the van with Chad***
Me: “Honey you should of heard Levi when we picked him up at mom’s and he saw Carter!! He said ‘Hi’ and then Carter said ‘Hi-a’…It was sooo cute!!”
Chad: “What do you think I should eat the day of the competition?”
***Visiting with Chad’s mom and dad***
Chad’s Mom: “Wow Carter sure does like to drink, he’s drank two of these juice boxes already!”
Me: “Yeah he drinks all his drinks and then goes over to Levi and ask him something in their language and Levi hands him his sippy cup to finish!! I guess its good Carter asks and doesn’t just take it; he waits till Levi’s done with it!! Isn’t that cute?”
(The sound of crickets) **2 minutes later**
Chad’s mom: (turning to Chad) “So did your dad tell you about what all I’ve been hearing at work?”
***On the phone with my father***
Me: “ So you used the CD-R’s to make your picture disc right? Not the DV-R’s?”
Daddy: “ Yeah I used the CD-R’s cause I don’t have a DVD burner just a CD burner”
Me: “ Yep that’s what I’m using the CD-R’s…. Well hmmm I guess I’ll call John and see if he knows why it’s not working right.
Daddy: “That’s what I’d do He put that program in for me so he would know all about it.”
*2 minutes later*
Chad: “Your dad just called and wanted to know if you were using a CD-R, he said that’s what he used.”
Now granted that some of these like my Father on the phone are funny…But for the most part it’s just becoming hurtful. I have been told since I first started talking,
“Katie you don’t have to talk so loud, we’re right here”..
So I don’t think it’s that I’m so soft spoken, people can’t hear me. There’s nothing worse than saying something in a conversation, only to finish and realize that no-ones even looking at you let alone listening to you!!
My once social- loved- to -talk self is very quickly becoming anti-social and mute.
Last night tired of never being heard or engaged in conversation….Only ever being “talked at” and never being heard I decided maybe I had it all wrong, and so I set out to learn about conversation….Turns out that, this time at least I had it right, must have been there that day after all!!
Webster’s dictionary defines conversation as:
a (1) : oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas (2) : an instance of such exchange : TALK
The word “exchange” would be the important word there. Then I saw they used the word “talk”, so I said to myself, “Self…maybe your confused on the meaning of talk”….So I looked that up as well:
1 a : to express or exchange ideas by means of spoken words b : to convey information.
Ummm It says the word exchange also…. Not one-sided talking at while the other listens but is never given a chance to be LISTENED to. Then I said, “Self, maybe you have the wrong idea of what listening means, well Webster’s defines it as:
2 : to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration
Well that’s what I thought…People aren’t listening to what I’m saying and giving it consideration or thoughtful attention, because they don’t know what I said or respond to it or even look at me and pretend I said anything!! Quite frankly I’m becoming very tired of it, and now that I did my homework and know I have the correct understanding of it, very frustrated.
I will now give you all a few examples, all of which happened over the weekend, of what I encounter EVERYDAY, and then you can tell me if I have reason to be agitated or if I’m just being my manic self:
***Pulling into the garage in the van with Chad***
Me: “Honey you should of heard Levi when we picked him up at mom’s and he saw Carter!! He said ‘Hi’ and then Carter said ‘Hi-a’…It was sooo cute!!”
Chad: “What do you think I should eat the day of the competition?”
***Visiting with Chad’s mom and dad***
Chad’s Mom: “Wow Carter sure does like to drink, he’s drank two of these juice boxes already!”
Me: “Yeah he drinks all his drinks and then goes over to Levi and ask him something in their language and Levi hands him his sippy cup to finish!! I guess its good Carter asks and doesn’t just take it; he waits till Levi’s done with it!! Isn’t that cute?”
(The sound of crickets) **2 minutes later**
Chad’s mom: (turning to Chad) “So did your dad tell you about what all I’ve been hearing at work?”
***On the phone with my father***
Me: “ So you used the CD-R’s to make your picture disc right? Not the DV-R’s?”
Daddy: “ Yeah I used the CD-R’s cause I don’t have a DVD burner just a CD burner”
Me: “ Yep that’s what I’m using the CD-R’s…. Well hmmm I guess I’ll call John and see if he knows why it’s not working right.
Daddy: “That’s what I’d do He put that program in for me so he would know all about it.”
*2 minutes later*
Chad: “Your dad just called and wanted to know if you were using a CD-R, he said that’s what he used.”
Now granted that some of these like my Father on the phone are funny…But for the most part it’s just becoming hurtful. I have been told since I first started talking,
“Katie you don’t have to talk so loud, we’re right here”..
So I don’t think it’s that I’m so soft spoken, people can’t hear me. There’s nothing worse than saying something in a conversation, only to finish and realize that no-ones even looking at you let alone listening to you!!
My once social- loved- to -talk self is very quickly becoming anti-social and mute.
posted by Kate Michele at 12:15 PM
11 Comments:
My Dad used to do this to my mom ALL of the time. When I was a teenager, I once slammed his newspaper down and YELLED at him to LISTEN to her. He looked shocked and bewildered.
My husband did this to me once too. It was the first and last time - lol!! Of course, I'm a professor and if people don't listen to what I say, I'll just put it on an exam and fail them!
You should TOTALLY call people out on this. IMMEDIATELY after they do it. That is, if they are even paying attention enough to listen after they get done ignoring you.
i'm sorry no one LISTENS. it's a trait that's very hard for people to do these days. i find i'm guilty and a victim of it almost every day. i like to think that it's not that i'm really NOT listening, it's that i forget easily (which i do)... but sometimes i know that i don't truly listen. i think part of why people do it is that life is so crazy and they have a lot on their plates so their minds a racing a mile a minute... by no means do i think that it's a GOOD excuse for not genuinely listening to people, but it may be why. also, some people's listening skills are better than others.
PLEASE don't become mute... the few people that DO listen will miss what you have to say!
Maybe I just have too much patience, because even the guy I am dating right now doesn't listen to me. But in all fairness he told me at the beginning that he doesn't listen very well. So I just end up telling him the same thing days or weeks later. I don't really mind, I think deep down he remembers the important things. As far as your family goes if you call them on it but they might just get upset. You could just pretend to do the same thing to them and then let them know what and why you did it. Then again you could always use this line "tickle your ass with a feather" and when they say what you tell them "particularly nasty weather". Hehehehe, that is from a joke my cousin told me.
i am anti social. and i like that about myself.
you can join my club if you want. i'm the president. it's a one person club so i think there's room for one more.
Wow you all had great things to say!!
Kimmy: I'd love to join your one person club!!! Would that make me vice president?
When I'm in the position of speaking to (apparently) myself, I mutter: "I know I'm talking, I recognize the sound of my voice."
That is usually met with the same ignorance as my previous comment, but if there is a third person in earshot, they generally acknowledge it with a little grin of some sort.
What you described isn't that uncommon. Pretty much a societal thing, so don't take it personally. I don't know if it's the trend or just an oddity, but I'm sure there's a book about it!
As for me, I'm blaming the Republicans.
You can talk to me - I'll listen.
hugs
Yikes, girl. No advice, really, just ((hugs)). I know how frustrating it is not to be heard!!
I sympathize with not being heard. But your use of **crickets** in your examples cracked me up! I'll have to remember that the next time someone ignores me. Maybe they'll pay attention when I start giggling :)
You've got 10 people listening to you here. Maybe that's why blogging is so popular!
I'll listen to you and even engage/exchange information! Families can be so frustrating sometimes!
Yes, sometimes it is like we speak to thin air. This of course will get worse when your twins are older. And they are males. Whew. Yes, as far as your dad goes, and speaking as a older person myself, the mind is getting filled up. And mostly you can not remember what was said or what you said to someone. Sad, but true. As far as the husband....he is a male. Enough said. And some people are really only concerned with themselves so will never hear you.
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