Becoming Me...
For years I have kept parts of who I am hidden away. I knew what certain people thought I should be and what they thought I was and molded to it….As too not ruffle any feathers and to not cause drama and discord.
Then I started blogging and told myself that on my blog I would be myself….Every part of myself. And it was so freeing, it was like I found my wings and I learned more about who I really was, and saw how much I was allowing others to control who I was, and how unhealthy that can be.
Of course finally coming into my own did not come with out a price. I was told by friends that I wasn’t who they thought they knew anymore…That’s because I was always who I knew they wanted me to be, and now that I’m showing them, and being, who I am-- all of who I am-- that takes the control away from them and they didn’t like that. No longer did I fit their little mold they had me in, to fit their lives the way they liked it.
Family members and the ones who know me best, even though I didn’t think they did, were excited that I finally broke free from the control of others and put my wings on and became more of myself, not worrying what others thought of me anymore. Because really at the end of the night you only have your self to answer to. And now I finally sleep with no guilt or anger for letting others control me with my fear of what they’ll think or what they’ll say.
I started to defend my self in the beginning when people where attacking me, but then I thought that’s stupid, they don’t have to defend themselves for being who they are….Why should I?
The longer you conform to molds people want you to conform too the longer your stifling your true self. It’s like burying your self alive, and before you know it your choking on the dirt of anger and resentment.
It was a long and tough dig, but I found the way to let myself out…. All of myself.
Then I started blogging and told myself that on my blog I would be myself….Every part of myself. And it was so freeing, it was like I found my wings and I learned more about who I really was, and saw how much I was allowing others to control who I was, and how unhealthy that can be.
Of course finally coming into my own did not come with out a price. I was told by friends that I wasn’t who they thought they knew anymore…That’s because I was always who I knew they wanted me to be, and now that I’m showing them, and being, who I am-- all of who I am-- that takes the control away from them and they didn’t like that. No longer did I fit their little mold they had me in, to fit their lives the way they liked it.
Family members and the ones who know me best, even though I didn’t think they did, were excited that I finally broke free from the control of others and put my wings on and became more of myself, not worrying what others thought of me anymore. Because really at the end of the night you only have your self to answer to. And now I finally sleep with no guilt or anger for letting others control me with my fear of what they’ll think or what they’ll say.
I started to defend my self in the beginning when people where attacking me, but then I thought that’s stupid, they don’t have to defend themselves for being who they are….Why should I?
The longer you conform to molds people want you to conform too the longer your stifling your true self. It’s like burying your self alive, and before you know it your choking on the dirt of anger and resentment.
It was a long and tough dig, but I found the way to let myself out…. All of myself.
posted by Kate Michele at 11:09 PM
14 Comments:
Beautiful!!
When I was your age (Good Lord, how old does that make me sound?!?!? Let me try again...)
A few years ago (much better!) I did a relationship housecleaning and got rid of all the people in my life that were just weighing me down. Not being able to be yourself around someone creates such a one-sided relationship that sucks the energy and life out of you. Getting rid of them was one of the best things I've ever done for myself!! Good for you for recognizing those relationships for what they truly are...unhealthy!
Trying to live up to other people's expectations is the wrong path.
My oldest sister didn't understand that. She committed suicide.
Good post. They should teach this in grade school.
I wish that I could stop putting others' feelings before my own, and do what's right for me for a change. For once. Just tired of being walked over and treated badly, know what I mean?
Good for you for doing what I can't seem to.
I'm with Ian, I always have put what others wanted me to be ahead of what I wanted to be,do or say. I'm slowly working toward spreading my wings.
It's good that you figure these things out now and realize you are who you have to answer to at the end of the day. It's sad that some people would judge you-
people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw sticks and stones.
I like who you are Kate...you're my friend...I wouldn't think of judging you.
sniff. tear... awesome girl! i'm so proud of you! i've always loved who you are... maybe it's b/c i believe that you COULD be yourself around me (at least i'd like to think so! hehe)! i'm glad you're not moldy (hehe)!
Very powerful writing...Good on you. I've changed allot over the last couple of years...some good and some bad....but "friends" who tried to stop me from moving forward found themselves with one less friend.You really do have to spread your wings and be you......
I'm nowhere near your level of personal satisfaction..but it's a work in progress.
I tell people that the blog is cheaper (and more effective) than psychotherapy.
People will see us as they wish. We know who we are (the lucky ones do) and if we can be honest enough with ourselves and others to act in a genuine manner, without regard for what others may want us to be.
Good for you that you have recognized it all for what it is.
My parents have always been pushing me to be something that I never wanted to be. So I struck out on my own path. Even though it nearly cost me my life I still feel that I needed to take that step myself to grow a little. Now I'm becoming more and more of the person I wanted to be. I feel so much better now that I don't have to look behind me (my parents) for approval for every single thing I do. Life isn't good yet, but it's getting there.
My ex tried to shove me in a box and stomp on me to stay there. I totally forgot who I was and what I wanted, trying to keep him happy.
Now I'm returning to the real me and I'm happier than I've been in years. It turns out I LIKE who I am and those that don't appreciate it don't deserve my attention and affection.
Good on you for realizing it and embracing your true self, regardless of the consequences. That takes courage and I applaud you!
Jess: (sounded much better)... Yes a relationship housecleaning...As you grow up and mature, you finally are able to see people for who they really are.
Mike: Yes they should teach this stuff....I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, how YOU doing?
Ian: It's a very hard thing to so ...I was walk on alot still am at times...But aventually you get to the point where you've had enough and realize you desearve better.
KimmyK: And thats what a real friend is....accepts you for who you are with out judgement. Thanks Kimmy girl..
Siv: I have always felt I could be myself with you...Thats why I think we get along so well!!
Trojan: Thats just it, if you can't mature and move forward with your own life, ya dont need the so called "friend".
Anthony: Thanks buddy!! Yes YEs it is WAY cheaper than my thearpy was!!
YSB: Thats the toughest part about growing up I think, finding your self apart from what your parents think is best. I'm 24 and I still struggle with "what will my parents think?" syndrom. Maybe it will always be there to an extent!!
Freemind: Its a freeing experience when you find you and realize you like you!!! Thanks!
Well, people change over time. You're not going to fit everyone's mold every waking second.
Especially if you're a girl, and you're approaching your mid-20's, and you're a mom.
I think it's awesome you've had this blogging outlet to help you figure shit out.
-buzz
blither: thank you...its starting to make me smile too!!
Buzz: Word! Thank God for this!! Yes it is hard especially when most girls my age aren't married with twins..it takes awhile to figure out you, and whats best...and then balance it.
You are my hero! I think I am starting to understand that I am exactly who I am and that I don't need to find out who I am. Clear as mud? I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe I am already my own person and I just didn't realize it. But then again I could be wrong.
Brae: Thats what I think I realized, I was who I am all along I just wasn't allowing myself to BE me.
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