I don't remember THIS in the contract..............
Ok Jes, just for you here's some really potent birth control for you!!! Every one else is welcome to it to of course!! Yes I know I'm just way too generous!!
Dr. Casper's nurse: Hello Dr. Casper's office how may I help you?
Me: Um yes, this is Katie Kuhn I'm calling about my twins...
DCN: Oh how are Levi and Carter? (never a good sign when you are know by name at a doctors office....)
Me: Well I'm not sure, see they have had loose bright yellow stools for the passed two weeks, and a few have had some blood and mucus in them, I'm starting to get concerned. How long should all this last? (they had been seen the week before, but she said it was probably just a bug, and to wait it out)
DCN: Oh well um hold on the line, let me ask Dr. Casper.
Me: Ok.
***** 5 minutes later*****
DCN: Ok Katie, she said since its been going on for so long she would like a stool sample from each of them so she can test for infection.
Me: Oh ok um I'll just bring in their next diaper.
DCN: Well actually we need it in a zip-loc like container with a lid.
Me: Ummm right, well Ummm..... How exactly would I go about doing that?? See the stool is really loose I'm not sure how I'd get it in the container.
DCN: Just take a plastic spoon and scrap off what you can from the diaper into the container. Then you can dispose of the spoon with the diaper. (no shit...I'm not going to reuse the spoon!!! Thank you for that instruction Einstein!!)
Me: ***sigh*** Um alright, I'll do-do my best! ***snort snort****
DCN: Ok thanks, and when you get them just drop them off. Goodbye.
****** 2 hours and 14 lit matches later******
Chad: Hello?
Me: Well I have just stumped to a new low.... Scraping shit into a zip-loc container!! FYI the brown paper bag in the fridge is NOT food!!
Chad: So you got it did you? Well I guess that's all part of the "mom job" ***laughing hysterically at me**** Man I love MY job!!
Me: Yeah yeah.... HA HA HA!!! I just don't remember this part in the job contract!! Sorry to bother you, go back to your "shit" free wonderful job!!!
Chad: Laughing still***** Sorry Babe.....
Me: I don't get paid enough for this!! I need a raise, what 8% of zero??
****** 10 Minutes later*****
Mom: Hello?
Me: Hey Ma its me, can you come ride along to the doctors with me I have to drop something off, and I can't leave the boys in the car alone.
Mom: Sure, what do you have to drop off?
Me: POOP!!
Mom: Oh. ***pause*** Ok.
So my day was really full of shit!! Hope this was a good dose of birth control for everyone!! It sure was for me!!!
Chad? NO TOUCHING!!!
Dr. Casper's nurse: Hello Dr. Casper's office how may I help you?
Me: Um yes, this is Katie Kuhn I'm calling about my twins...
DCN: Oh how are Levi and Carter? (never a good sign when you are know by name at a doctors office....)
Me: Well I'm not sure, see they have had loose bright yellow stools for the passed two weeks, and a few have had some blood and mucus in them, I'm starting to get concerned. How long should all this last? (they had been seen the week before, but she said it was probably just a bug, and to wait it out)
DCN: Oh well um hold on the line, let me ask Dr. Casper.
Me: Ok.
***** 5 minutes later*****
DCN: Ok Katie, she said since its been going on for so long she would like a stool sample from each of them so she can test for infection.
Me: Oh ok um I'll just bring in their next diaper.
DCN: Well actually we need it in a zip-loc like container with a lid.
Me: Ummm right, well Ummm..... How exactly would I go about doing that?? See the stool is really loose I'm not sure how I'd get it in the container.
DCN: Just take a plastic spoon and scrap off what you can from the diaper into the container. Then you can dispose of the spoon with the diaper. (no shit...I'm not going to reuse the spoon!!! Thank you for that instruction Einstein!!)
Me: ***sigh*** Um alright, I'll do-do my best! ***snort snort****
DCN: Ok thanks, and when you get them just drop them off. Goodbye.
****** 2 hours and 14 lit matches later******
Chad: Hello?
Me: Well I have just stumped to a new low.... Scraping shit into a zip-loc container!! FYI the brown paper bag in the fridge is NOT food!!
Chad: So you got it did you? Well I guess that's all part of the "mom job" ***laughing hysterically at me**** Man I love MY job!!
Me: Yeah yeah.... HA HA HA!!! I just don't remember this part in the job contract!! Sorry to bother you, go back to your "shit" free wonderful job!!!
Chad: Laughing still***** Sorry Babe.....
Me: I don't get paid enough for this!! I need a raise, what 8% of zero??
****** 10 Minutes later*****
Mom: Hello?
Me: Hey Ma its me, can you come ride along to the doctors with me I have to drop something off, and I can't leave the boys in the car alone.
Mom: Sure, what do you have to drop off?
Me: POOP!!
Mom: Oh. ***pause*** Ok.
So my day was really full of shit!! Hope this was a good dose of birth control for everyone!! It sure was for me!!!
Chad? NO TOUCHING!!!
posted by Kate Michele at 8:39 PM
11 Comments:
Well ... if birth control includes the 'no sex' part ... i'm IN!
Wow .. suddenly, I'm part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
No poop for me.
Muy lindo Blog... sobretodo por el bebe de abajo...
Saludos desde Buenos aires...
I love your stories about the boys. Very funny. Lucky for me the only time I had to give a sample (my daughters) we were already at the hospital and they got it themselves. Let us know how they are doing when you find out.
Anthony: you sure man? cause I can send ya some!! lol
Blither: when the time comes, thats what we're gonna do..... We're not sure if we're going to have more. Every now and then I get the baby itch, but then the boys start screaming and throwin a fit and it snaps me right back to reality!!! Besides that I have a four times greater chance for having twins again!!
alexiev: thanks for stopping by, however I have no idea what you said. Can anyone translate?? lol
brae: Man thats what I needed a nurse to do it for me!! You were sooo lucky!!
That's pretty funny. I hope your kids are OK. We used to have to collect puppy poop once a month, but that wasn't so bad.
My 'con' list is a lot longer than my 'pro' list for having kids!
Oh dear. I hope they're feelin better.
Two days ago a patient came in with a glad container with a stool sample in a brown bag. He tried to hand that sh*t to me.....uh no thanks buddy...take it to lab.
Kid crap is one thing....adult? ha. gaaross.
dna: having kids is a personal life choice and I respect everyones choices. My sister and her husband didn't want children, and I thought it was great they knew they didn't and took the responsible step, and now they can't....if ya get my drift... snip snip*** lol.... Right now the con list is longer than the pro list for me, for having any more!!
Kimmyk: EWWWW!!! Adult poo?? EWWWW!!!! Gross! what kinda doctors office do you work in? I'm all for telling them to take their stinking poo to the lab them selves!!!
And then there's the point where they are toilet trained, but can't wipe yet. And they caught a stomach virus from a playdate ...
gross. grossgrossgrossgrossgross!! I can't imagine loving anything enough to play around with their shit!! But thanks for thinking of me while you were doing it!! Ha Ha!
Hope the boys are feeling better!
Homeboy said he likes your blog and sends greetings from Argentina. I'll never forget having to gather a poop sample from my son. Always a joy to do, lemme tellya.
Jes: Anytime girl!!
Raf: Tell him thank you...
Isn't it great? The things we do for our children. I'm so using this in the future as guilt!! LOL
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